Conflict’s part of working life. Yet for many managers, it’s the part we dread.
Maybe it’s the fear of confrontation. Or saying the wrong thing. Or not knowing how to stop a conversation from spiralling. Whatever the reason, conflict often gets dodged, suppressed, or worse — managed in ways that create bigger problems down the line.
At Elev-8, we’ve worked with leaders across sectors, and one thing’s clear: the issue isn’t conflict itself. It’s how it’s handled.
Why this matters
Handled well, conflict builds trust. It surfaces assumptions. It clears the air.
In fact, most high-performing teams don’t avoid conflict – they use it to think better together.
But when it’s mismanaged, conflict causes:
- Corridor gossip and unspoken resentment
- Emotional outbursts and personal attacks
- Avoidance that delays action or decision-making
As Patrick Lencioni puts it, healthy conflict lives between artificial harmony and destructive drama. And navigating that middle ground is one of the most important (and learnable) skills a manager can build.
A quick pulse-check
- When conflict arises in your team, do people address it directly — or skirt around it?
- Do you ever walk away from a conversation thinking, “I should’ve said something…”?
- Have you ever escalated something accidentally because your emotions hijacked the moment?
If any of these land, you’re not alone. Conflict is natural. But the way we respond? That’s a choice.
Try this with your team: The Heat Scale
Conflict rarely explodes without warning. More often, it builds gradually — and if we can spot that build-up, we can intervene early and constructively.
Next time you’re in a tense conversation, ask yourself and your team to check in using this simple scale:
- 1–3: I’m calm and curious
- 4–6: I’m irritated or frustrated
- 7–10: I’m emotionally hijacked — my thinking’s gone offline
You can even normalise this language with your team. Try:
“I feel like I’m at a 6 — I want to stay in the conversation, but I need a pause to stay constructive.”
Once people can name the heat, they’re less likely to get burned.
Over time, it builds a shared understanding: that it’s OK to feel strongly — as long as you take responsibility for how you show up.
Final thought – The goal isn’t calm. It’s clarity!
Diffusing conflict isn’t about making everyone agree or smoothing things over. It’s about staying in the conversation – even when it gets uncomfortable – without adding unnecessary heat.
When managers role model this, it changes the climate:
- Emotions become information, not a threat
- Tension becomes fuel for better solutions
- Feedback becomes a tool for growth, not a source of fear
The aim isn’t to eliminate friction. It’s to create a space where friction leads to focus, not fallout.
Want to go deeper?
Diffusing Conflict is one of 30+ proven, practical sessions in our Ready to Go suite of management development topics. Built to help your managers lead with clarity, courage and confidence.
