What are permission slips?
In her leadership book “Dare to Lead,” Brené Brown introduces a tool called Permission Slips. The idea behind them is to help give ourselves permission to think, say, and do what we need to take care of ourselves while we get on with the job.
Brown uses them with her own team, encouraging team members to write out permission slips to themselves and others. This practice helps them collaborate better, get work done, and not worry about revealing vulnerabilities.
Being brave and authentic
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to be our brave, authentic selves – to be brave and afraid at the same time. Permission slips are a way to state our intention for how we want to behave. (Brown)
Permission slips are especially useful for teams, particularly before meetings or conversations that require vulnerability. Everyone on the team writes down and shares something that they intend to give themselves permission to do or feel in the meeting.
For example, “I give myself permission to collect my thoughts before speaking,” or “I give myself permission to tell others that I am feeling nervous.”
Setting intentions, not promises
These aren’t promissory notes. They are intentions only, so there are no repercussions if you fail to deliver. However, they are useful for understanding where everyone in the room is coming from and what their intent is.
One team member might be working on listening to understand, another might be focused on being present rather than letting their mind obsess over an endless to-do list, and another might want to listen more than they talk.
Sharing permission slips is a great way to check in with teammates, practice vulnerability, and build trust.
The power of vulnerability
“Being vulnerable gets the static out of the way and lets us do the job together, without worrying or hesitating,” Polzer.
Vulnerability is hard, and it’s scary, and it feels dangerous. But it’s not as hard, scary, or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves, ‘What if I would’ve shown up?’ Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage…” – B. Brown
Vulnerability is not a weakness or an invitation for people to walk all over us. Quite the opposite. It is powerful. It provides hope and quashes fears. It engenders trust. It builds bonds and cements relationships. It builds psychological safety, which provides the space for others to be vulnerable.
The strength in vulnerability
The truth about vulnerability is that it is not a weakness; it is a strength.
People tend to think of vulnerability in a touchy-feely way, but that’s not what’s happening. It’s about sending a clear signal that you have weaknesses and that you could use help.
If that behaviour becomes a model for others, then you can set the insecurities aside, get to work, start to trust each other, and help each other (Polzer).