Some conversations are hard. We all know it. But too often, they get dodged, delayed or diluted. And that avoidance comes at a cost.
In Elev-8’s management development work, one issue crops up time and time again: the reluctance to say the hard thing, even when it matters. Managers worry about upsetting people, creating conflict or just not knowing how to say it well.
So, they wait. They soften the message. Or worse, they say nothing at all.
Why this matters
Brave conversations aren’t about being blunt or harsh. They’re about being clear. As Brene Brown puts it:
“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
In her research, Brown found that the biggest cultural barrier to courageous leadership was avoiding tough conversations. Whether it came from fear, politeness or lack of skill, the impact was the same:
- Lower trust and engagement
- More gossip, passive-aggression and backchannel chatter
- Confusion and underperformance due to lack of clarity
(Source: Brene Brown, Dare to Lead)
Clarity is a form of kindness. And brave conversations aren’t about being blunt — they’re about being honest and human at the same time. If you’ve ever worked somewhere where everyone is “nice”, but nothing really gets said, you’ll know exactly what that looks like.
A quick pulse-check
- Do you ever say yes to someone’s face but disagree behind closed doors?
- Avoid giving feedback until it becomes a formal issue?
- Find yourself having the “real” conversation with someone else after a meeting?
If so, you’re not alone. But that pattern slowly erodes team performance. Brave conversations done well actually boost trust and lead to better decisions.
A tool to help: The I.D.E.A. feedback model
Having the intent to be honest is one thing. Doing it well is another. That’s where the I.D.E.A model comes in. It gives structure to feedback so it doesn’t become an emotional dump or get lost in waffle.
- Intent – Start with the why. What’s your reason for sharing this feedback? Make it clear that your intent is to help, support or move things forward.
- Describe – Focus on specific, observable behaviours. Not assumptions, not personality.
- Explore – Ask questions to understand their perspective. Check your assumptions. Stay curious.
- Action – What happens next? What do they want to do with that feedback?
It works because it balances honesty with respect, and challenge with care.
Try this with your team
In your next 1:1, ask:
“What’s one piece of feedback you’ve been sitting on, but haven’t said?”
Reflect on why it’s not been raised yet. Is it discomfort? Worry about how it will land? Or not knowing how to say it?
Then try framing it using the I.D.E.A structure. You don’t need to script it — just use it to guide your thinking. This structure helps you be specific, focused and fair. It also shifts feedback from “criticism” to a conversation about growth and clarity.
Final thought – Conversations don’t fix culture. They are culture.
In organisations with high psychological safety, brave conversations are welcomed, not feared.
But you can’t expect people to speak up just because you tell them to. You have to build a climate where it’s safe — even rewarded — to bring challenge, feedback and curiosity to the table.
Want to go deeper?
Brave Conversations is one of over 30 topics in our Ready to Go suite of Management Development topics — proven, practical sessions that help your managers lead with confidence.
